The How of Happiness: 10 Actions to Get You Started
If you studied the happiest people in the world, you would find commonalities among all of them. They view difficult circumstances differently than others. They worry less, feel guilty less and trust more. Happiness is learned, but like a muscle, you need to work it out. Here are 10 actions that you can take today, to start exercising your happiness muscles.
1.Let go of obligations
Sometimes you continue to do things just because you’ve always done them. This doesn’t mean that you have to continue to do them. What are you holding onto that you really resent? Let it go.
2. Say No
Say no when you mean no. Often you get into a habit of saying yes, because you always say yes, and then you later regret it. Set the intention to be aware of the things you’re agreeing too, and make sure that they align with what you want in life. If you absolutely must say yes to something you’re not thrilled about, change your perspective on it.
3.Change your mind
Sometimes circumstances change, impressions change, and people change. This is okay. You are not the same person you were 5 years ago, why do you have to stick with the same decisions? If you wish to switch directions in your life, give yourself permission to change your mind.
4. Question others
You are not a bad person for not agreeing with everyone, some people might just “set off” your intuition. Listen to that gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t try to force it.
5. Have your own opinion
That intuition is very important! Like in the above action, having your opinion is very important, it is what sets you apart from everyone else. You can agree with others, or disagree with them, as long as you have a very clear reason as to WHY you agree or disagree.
6. Make mistakes
Learning is growing, and you can’t learn if you’re perfect. Change your perspective on failure. Failure is not a bad thing, it gives you the opportunity to relax, try new things out, test yourself a bit. If you are perfect, you are not living up to your true potential. The more successful you are, the more mistakes you make.
7. Let “it” go
Just release whatever you’re holding on to. Whether a grudge, a relationships, a job or a dream, if it’s causing you pain or holding you back in life, you need to release it. There are many different methods to doing this, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), the Sedona Method and The Work are three well-known methods.
8. Love Yourself
This might be the hardest of all these actions, but it is also the most important. When you love yourself, all the other happiness actions follow. Look in the mirror daily and actually see the person looking back at you. Don’t judge her, just let her know you love and accept her. You are doing the best you can, at any given moment.
9. Seek a new story
Reassess that story you’ve been telling yourself. Is it true? Are you really a victim, simply not control of your situation at all? Can you really not do anything to change, because of something that happened in your past? Is bad luck the main factor in why you’re unhappy right now? Really? Change that story. Feature an empowered, happy and successful person who doesn’t let the past dictate the future.
10. Jump into the fear
This is difficult, there are times where you must calculate risks and there are times where you just have to jump right in without thinking too much. Your intuition will be key in this. I know that in my own life, any time I’ve been really excited about something, it’s come with fear. Are there opportunities in life that have you excited? Do you see greater potential for yourself, but let fear stop you? Don’t let that fear hold you back, find a way around it.
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Those are just 10 steps to get you started. Being happy doesn’t mean you are never afraid, or angry, or frustrated. It means you have a resilience and a trust that others don’t, and that is something you can learn. This can be overwhelming and hard to deal with alone. If you are currently dreaming of changing careers, find love, or making a big change in your life, you’ll want to join me for the Happiness & Harmony Makeover, where I’m covering in detail exactly what to look out for AND how to become a happy person. It’s FREE and you can sign up at http://kimberlyenglot.com/hhteleseminar. About the Author: Kimberly Englot teaches success-driven women how to create the life vision they crave, have the courage to pursue it and live it from a purely authentic place so they can enjoy all the happiness, freedom and success they deserve. Kimberly is the founder of the Center of Authentic Self Development. Learn more about her programs and gain access to FREE coaching, inspiration & advice at: http://www.kimberlyenglot.com. |
What I’ve learned from the 2010 Olympics
I absolutely love the Olympics. For those couple of weeks every 2 years I am basically glued to the TV. Since I am not terribly athletic myself, I really admire the skill, determination and strength it takes to get to the games. And then there is the fact that it high-lights sports I would never hear about otherwise (I mean, really…how crazy is luge and skeleton!!! So cool…) Combine all that with a chance to cheer for the country I LOVE and I’m hooked!
But on Saturday, I was standing in my kitchen. The TV was on in the living room (my house is fairly open concept, so I can see the TV from my kitchen) and I heard the broadcasters high-lighting a player from Canada’s Olympic Women’s Hockey team. Her dad happens to be a sports psychologist and they were talking about the advise he would give her.
(not a direct quote, for emphasis purposes only)
“He’d say enjoy the moment. Don’t focus on the result because that takes you out of the moment.”
A man after my own heart apparently…or maybe I missed my calling and should have stuck with psychology 
I’ve heard wisdom like that all week! Canada’s athletes are absolutely brilliant (at least the medal-winning ones) in their abilities to deal with pressure and stay focused and the speeds, distances and heights they are participating at. So I’ve come up with a short list of things that the average gal/guy can apply to our own lives.
- Live In The Moment.
This is the most prominent phrase so far. I’ve heard it over and over again. They’re all saying that the key to staying calm under such intense pressure, is to live in the moment. The moment you start focusing on the outcome, you feel stress, pressure, anxiety, overwhelm. You’re out of the moment, and your chances of winning are done.
So true in life, too. I know that when I am in the moment (the zone, the vortex, happy, whatever you want to call it) life flows really smoothly. I just do what needs to be done. I don’t add a story to it (Why can’t he pick up his darn socks for once! I’m not his maid…grumble grumble). I don’t start to think about what I need to do to be a total success in life. I don’t get overwhelmed. But the minute I over think stuff, it starts to get a little ugly. I stop truly listening (preferring to just interpret everything through my own lense). I get bossy and controlling. I get stressed. I start to feel like all responsibility for the entire worlds happiness relies on me. When I notice that, I can see how ridicuous I’m being and reign myself (and my ego) back into the moment. It’s almost as if being “in the moment” makes the ego disappear. Which I think is what Eckert Tolle’s, A New Earth was all about.
- Never Give Up.
Go as hard as you can, as long as you can, until the last second because THOSE are the people who win. Now, in context, this is not hard for me. I don’t work crazy long hours. I don’t even consider it work. IT does require effort. Like a favorite friend of mine said, it is “effortless, but requires effort.” Meaning it’s easy, but you still have to put action into it. LIFE is the exact same. It doesn’t have to be hard. But the people who are happy, healthy, successful and wealthy kept at it longer than their competition.
If you want that “gold medal” you have to put inspired action to work for you. Quit holding back and waiting for the perfect time (there will never be one) and don’t let someone else tell you how to live your life. You know what you have to do.
I can’t say this as a fact, but isn’t there a story of someone who fell or tripped in an event in the past, all thoughts of medals were gone. The person got back up and continued anyway, only to come in first or second place…people were disqualified, others fell…Am I crazy or just making it up? It does make for a good story if it is true! This also brings us to my third point.
- Crazy Things Can Happen (aka You Never Know What the Future Holds )
When Canada won the second gold medal, something really amazing was said. Maelle Ricker (Women’s Snow Cross) has enjoyed the sport since she was a child and always dreamed of going to the Olympics and winning a gold medal. This is all great and not uncommon, EXCEPT that until 1998 snow boarding wasn’t an Olympic sport. And Snow Cross wasn’t a sport in the olympics until 2006. So despite her current reality and all that people told her, she dreamt of and olympic gold one day. I think that says a lot about our dreams and how powerful they are if we have faith in them. Maelle didn’t have to worry about HOW it would happen, she just new it would and prepared herself for when it happened.
- Have Faith in Your Dreams.
Like I said in the above point, have a little faith. Even though it doesn’t look like your dream will ever come true, you have to keep going. Act like it is coming true. Prepare for it. The HOW is not up to you, but you have to be ready and follow inspired action. People will try to bring you down. They will tell you to be realistic and to look around at the current reality of the situation. You don’t have to believe them. You don’t even have to listen. Follow your dreams, have faith in what you believe!
So those are my Olympic epiphanies. Feels really good to know that I am on the right track and that others, in really admirable places, follow the same advice from their sport psychologists, as I follow (and teach) as a coach. I guess I am a coach. That’s what I do. If you need help getting your own epiphany (or just want happiness and harmony in your life), join me for the free Happiness & Harmony Makeover call. Sign up at http://kimberlyenglot.com/hhteleseminar.
Enjoy the rest of the games!
Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in any way and include the following:
Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs will teach you to discover your authentic self and be free to change careers, find relationships, lose weight and pursue greatness! Clear away 6 years of “baggage” in 6 weeks with The Master LIFE Cleanse.
Authentic Self: The Importance of ME Time
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Create your own authentic life by following your authentic self.
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Hello!
The end of January is traditionally a low time of year for people. The holidays are well behind us, and for some the bills are coming in. I know I’ve been feeling a bit low myself the last couple of weeks, it’s just that time of year.
But it doesn’t have to be like that. I debated in my head over the kind of article I wanted to bring to you. I had a couple of my own kicking around, I even have an idea in my head waiting to be written –but none of them were right. They just didn’t have the right energy.
Then I got the following newsletter from one of the lists I’m one. Katie’s article was perfect, and I wanted to share it.
It’s especially helpful to see the small things that you can do to shift your energy. Simply taking good care of yourself and being more aware (or more sensitive) to the small details can drastically change how you’re feeling.
Try a couple of them. I know I did, and my mood has shifted.
Making Feng Shui Personal — Keeping Yourself Fresh and Energized
Let’s talk about a few of the ways you apply feng shui to yourself to stay fresh and energized…. Your signature says it all. My mentor and feng shui master, Lillian Too, often recommended people make changes to their signatures to give them more influence. Some signatures have letters that curl backwards — this means lackluster growth and success. Some tilt left — this causes the same problem. Even the graphic above shows writing that tilts to the right and looks like it’s going forward. Look at your signature and make sure yours says “affluence” and that it tilts right and up — not left and backwards. A client of mine had a tough time being promoted even though his income kept going up; he simply never got the nod. I told him his signature tilted backwards — as though he turned his back on others or looked backwards. In fact, all his writing has a tendency to lean left. He changed his signature and the money flowed into his life — and he leap-frogged at his job being promoted up two levels! Is your signature squeezed and tight? Money will be tight too. Get your signature flowing and watch the money flow with it! This may sound strange but your email address conveys ideas about you to the people who read it. What we call ourselves can influence the way we are treated by others. If you have a negative email Like hair color commercial says, “You’re worth it.” Do you do little things for yourself that make you feel pampered? I set up a tea tray by my office with a Do your best to beautify yourself. Everyone feels better when they look better. Get to a new stylist, or a make-up counter at a department What makes you feel inspired? We all need something that lifts our sights. I like to find my inspiration at my desk because I spend a lot Open your eyes to your habits of speech, your writing, your email name, even your resistance to change and openness to receive. This is part of applying feng shui to yourself and to your life, to keeping energy positive
Kathryn Weber is the publisher of the Red Lotus Letter Feng Shui E-zine and certified feng shui consultant in classical Chinese feng shui. Kathryn helps her readers improve their lives and generate more wealth with feng shui. For more information and to receive her FREE Ebook “Easy Money – 3 Steps to Building Massive Wealth with Feng Shui” visit www.redlotusletter.com and learn the fast and fun way how feng shui can make your life more prosperous and abundant! You don’t want to miss this!
 The Master LIFE Cleanse is BACK!!!
Master Life Cleanse: Whole-istic detox and makeover
Gina Bell & I have gone back and added more content to my Life Cleanse program!
What is it?
It is a cleanse for your LIFE! This has nothing to do with bodies, although cleansing your life of these harmful toxins will make you feel better, increase your energy, help you lose weight and relieve the stress.
We’re focusing on the 6 Life Toxins that drag you down. You cannot focus on being happy and appreciative, if you are stressed and overwhelmed. Try all you want, you’re going to end up frustrated and feeling like a failure.
So go to http://themasterlifecleanse.com to get more info, including dates & times, who this is designed for, and who it won’t work for, PLUS all of the extra bonuses.
NOTE: You have until JANUARY 31st to SAVE 30% off of the Basic Price (that’s almost $100!)
Authentic Resources
I am part of Aspire Magazine’s Mission to Inspire! I was thrilled to be asked to participate, and I was even more excited to pass this deal on to you! It’s a really great on-line magazine, full of inspiring stories, personal development articles and hundreds of great free resources.
Wednesday I am bringing in a life energy expert. I have been studying the Chakra system for a
couple of months and it fascinated me, Andrea Beaudoin is spending 30 minutes with us to teach us some Chakra Basics! I can’t wait. I hope you join us live for the fabulous show. Wednesday at 4:30 pm CST Last week was all about the authentic self! Why you need to know it, and how to trust it when you
discover it. I shared by 4 step process to asking MY Authentic Self a question, and then trusting the answer when it comes. I got specific, so you will leave the show knowing exactly what to do to tap into your own inner knowing. Archived version: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authentic-self I
From Criss Angel an the Law of Attraction to a weekly Authentic Life List, check out the blog posts
this week. Read about it and let me know what you think!
Interested in a coach to guide you through the start to your new life? Let me know, I’d love to help.
Send me an email: kimberly@kimberlyenglot.com and we’ll set up a FREE Discover Session to find out what you’re looking for. That’s it for this week! Join us for the Master Life Cleanse, you won’t regret it!
In abundance of thought and spirit,
 Kimberly Englot
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Your Authentic Self is calling you NOW!
Start claiming your happiness and authentic life. Work with Kimberly. Contact her at
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Feng shui is often called the Chinese Art of Placement. But you can use feng shui in so many ways beyond how you arrange your home. Feng shui can also be very personal — you can apply it to the way you dress, look, and act.
eZine Volume 2 Issue 5
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Weekly Authentic Life Checklist
This was an email sent to me early this week. Makes a great blog post I think! Definitely things to think about. (I especially like #8, 21, 30 & 36). Think of this as a weekly checklist for the creation of a great 2010!
HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…
Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most self is always happy. So, be happy.
My New Years Makeover
If you read my last blog post, you know that last week I went through a transformation. I was in panic/self mode crisis for all of 48 hours, after pushing down my authentic self for nearly a month. All is good now. My energy and zest have returned and I’m heading full force with a new project. Actually, it’s not new, it’s old and it’s getting a “Makeover.”
The start of a new year is the most common time for makeovers. It’s fresh, it’s new, it feels like new energy comes breezing over you. But usually after a few weeks, it feels old and stale and not so great. (I think something like 93% of people give up on their resolutions by Valentines Day…don’t quote me on the specifics, though).
You realize that it doesn’t have to be that way, though, right? I mean, there was a time when I too made resolutions (lose 10 lbs, exercise more, each more broccoli, be nicer to my sister). But now that I think about it, I haven’t done it formally in years. Okay, I’m not old enough to talk like that, maybe 2 years (instead of sounding like it’s been 10 years).
Don’t get me wrong, I have goals. Lots of goals, in fact, daily I come up with new ideas and new avenues I want to pursue. BUT, I’m the kind of person that if I were to make them all “serious” like a New Years Resolutions, I’d rebel.
This is strange because I’m not a rebellious person. Actually, I’m the opposite. I’m a quiet, think before you leap, stick to the rules, kinda gal. But I don’t like to be tied down and I’m sort of a commitment phobe (again, a paradox I cannot explain for someone who married her high school sweetheart and lives happily in the suburbs). I think my issue is with the naming of things. New Year Resolutions…it just sounds ominous. I’m playing semantics here, but call them Life Vision Statements and I’m all over it.
Back to the purpose of this post…Makeovers. So New Years Resolutions, Makeovers, Life Visions are all the same thing. It’s saying to yourself and the world, “I’m ready to make a different choice in my life so that things will get better.”
My New Years Resolutions/Life Vision Statements/Makeover:
- Work less. Work out more. (I enjoy exercise…after the fact. And like most things in my life, I get really enthusiastic about it until it gets boring. Then I need to take a break or move on. I like flow yoga. I hate Pilates (GASP) but I like how flexible and strong I feel after. I like running, only after I’ve been doing it a while and can run longer than 5 minutes at a time. AND Yes, I’m running the same 10k race with my DH this year. Need that goal to make me actually commit and exercise frequently)
- Work less. Watch more TV. (I’ve been married for 3.5 years, and we’re at the point where mid-week, TV time is Quality Time. This means I might have to leave my Twitter and Facebook Friends before the regulatory 9pm. Maybe I’ll only work until 7pm, 3 days a week. One of those days must be Thursday, because FRINGE is one of my favourite shows.)
- Cook more. I like to cook, I just hate cleaning up. And I’m not lucky enough to have a “the cook doesn’t clean” rule in my house. I cook, I clean and I’m okay with it….because I’m a perfectionist who chooses peace in the marriage over a dirty kitchen and a cranky husband. (Yes, he is spoiled…and so am I)
- Spend more time with face-to-face friends and family. I LOVE my social media friends. I really do! Can’t believe how many awesome people I get to engage with every day. BUT, sometimes you just need a hug from your mom or best friend. Neither of which live near me. Which means I need to make more of an effort to travel.
- Date my husband. On some of those nights where I’m not working past 7pm, I would like to date the tall handsome guy living in my house. Maybe dinner and a movie other than the obligatory Anniversary date…which we usually forgo because I’m a better cook than what we can get in any restaurant around here, and we’re not really “movie” people.
- Wear perfume. I’m not a perfume girl. BUT I did buy some I love (actually, I think it’s called LOVE), and I’m telling you, it changes everything about you! Put a little perfume on and see how it changes your attitude. How can you not feel like a sexy bombshell when you’re smelling good?
- Forget being responsible for 7 days. Time for some fun! We’re leaving frugality behind for one week this winter and going somewhere warm. Forget building a new garage or paying off the cars, we’re going on a trip. For most people this isn’t a big deal, but DH and I are “SAVERS”. BUT, we have decided that before we have to really settle down and become responsible adults (aka: have kids), we’re going to jet off to Mexico or Cuba or the Dominican Republic last minute (to save money, off course. ROFL) because we can. And I think this is a lesson that both of us need to learn…or maybe I’m just telling myself that.
I could also list the regulars like lose 10 lbs, double my business, run a marathon and write a book, but I have already done those things in previous years…so why do them again? I’ll focus my energy on things I TRULY want to change (focusing on my true priorities) and I probably will lose 10 lbs, double my business, run a marathon and write a book.
SO, I’m reaching the point of this post. WHAT are your true priorities? Do you need to makeover your New Years Resolutions, or are they the same old ones that you just say because you feel like you should? Take them less seriously, focus on something that you honestly want to change (maybe just one thing to start) and have more fun with it. You’ll accomplish it easier, and it will be way more fun. Try it, and then let me know how it goes!
NOTE: I have been informed by a good friend of mine who says that runners (real runners, which I am not) don’t take kindly to people like me who think that a 10 km race is a “marathon.” He is a real runner, and I stand corrected. 
Who Am I? Confronting my worst fear
To preface this post: I am terrified of FAILURE! It’s a huge driving force for me to succeed, but as I learned, if you don’t look the fear in the eye and tell it to go away it will own you (and you will eventually sabotage yourself anyway).
Sometimes you have to be careful. Well, I’m actually referring to myself in this post (yep, another one all about me ).
Sometimes I have to be careful OR I will end up not exactly where I wanted to be. Which is where I am.
I know!It’s a bit ironic….
Here I am, an authentic-life coach, and I managed to end up in a bit of an unauthentic place. And now I’m publicly writing about it!!!! But that is exactly why I’m going public, because if I can’t be honest and free…who can?
Here it goes…
So I had a plan, to unveil my Insiders Group. It’s (or rather it was) a monthly membership group. This year’s focus is all about Happiness, Using the Law of Attraction, and Discovering Your Truth. But the last couple of weeks, I just wasn’t feeling it. I ignored that feeling and kept going, which means I didn’t really give it my all to promote it.
I was full of excuses…”It’s through Christmas…people are with their families. I want to spend time with my family, not promoting and working.”
But I had a “niggle” that something wasn’t right. I attributed it to things being slow (but come on, December is so busy for everyone).
Nope, that’s not it.
The truth was that the program had morphed into something that didn’t feel like me. AND it happened slowly and stealthily.
I had to change one thing, but then that one changed affected something else…and then I had to change something else. So before I knew it, my “flexibility” ended up creating a monster.
No matter what I tried I could feel right about it.
In a panic on Monday, I reached out to my business coach for support. I was searching and reaching for something that I could never find. Maybe I should adjust my marketing plan, maybe my niche isn’t right, maybe…maybe…maybe… And in the back of my mind was this thought that I didn’t want to think.
Maybe this program isn’t YOU any more and you need to let it go.
NOOOOOO! That can’t be it, that would be giving in, giving up, and failing. Maybe if I just find something else….
So I was searching and searching, finally I allowed myself to acknowledge that haunting little voice. It wasn’t my ego, or any limiting beliefs, it was my Authentic Self calling me, asking me to return to what I had originally asked for.
My business coach (bless her soul!) made it okay for me to “give up” and actually showed me that giving up was actually going to save me, so it wasn’t really giving up.
So I cancelled my Discover Your Authentic Life Insiders Group. ( I guess you could say this is your official notice)
It had morphed into something that I didn’t want. BUT the crazy thing is, that now that I’ve confronted that fear and gone head first into it, I feel great! I don’t feel like I gave in or failed at all. I feel bright and shiny again, like my self….my authentic self!
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the content that I was preparing to share with the group.
I love all of the experts I had lined up, and all of the cool bonuses I was unveiling.
And I will continue to love all of that, but I don’t have to settle for “good enough” when it comes my business.
If I want to deliver that content in an 8 week program, I can. I don’t need to be flexible when it comes to that part of me. There is no need for me to conform to what others want me to do, at least not to the point where I have lost myself and my voice.
From this, I have re-found my authentic voice and I want you to learn a few things:
- Flexible is good. Just make sure it always feels good to you. There is no point in bending until it hurts (or even just “niggles.”)
- Support is imperative! Think of all of the money I could have spent on books, marketing solutions and courses trying to make my idea right. There isn’t enough money in the world to throw at a problem that comes from covering up your authentic self. Instead of spending thousands on systems, I funnel my budget towards my coaching and mentorship. Don’t get me wrong, systems are wonderful. They make life much simpler, but only if you have the right intention behind them. And you can’t always find that intention if you’re trying to fit yourself into a vision that doesn’t work for you anymore. If I didn’t have my coach to tell me that it was okay to change my mind, and then change my mind again and again and again, if I needed to, then I would have just thrown money at the problem and tried to make it go away.
- Working on it doesn’t work. Yep, you’ve heard me say this before. It’s the title of one of my fave books AND a subject I was covering in the Insiders Group (is that ironic??) but it’s really true. Like I said above, you can’t work on something to fix it. You have to acknowledge it and let it be. When I acknowledged that the group had turned into something that I didn’t want anymore, the problem immediately disappeared. Instantly! I realized that there was no problem and could see the non-solution! (Which was cancel the group as it is, use the content in a different way (when it feels right) AND focus on what you love (my Master LIFE Cleanse material)). So that is what I’m doing. I quick working on it, and just acknowledged it’s presence, and now it’s gone.
- Everyone gets stuck sometimes (see the importance of #2). Even authentic-life coaches and people who “should” know better. In fact, it’s very very easy and only takes one “should” or obligation or “have to.” Very important to have someone who can point this out, and give your permission to do what scares you (but that you know you want to do anyway).
- It’s okay to be afraid of the authentic self, but don’t let that deter you from following it. (See #2 to help you get through that fear!)
So those are my lessons. I now feel free, fabulous and can’t wait to re-direct my energy to something that really feels great to me! I will revisit the Happiness, Using the Law of Attraction, and Discovering Your Truth stuff (after all I absolutely love that stuff too!), but it wil
l change to fit me instead of me changing to fit it!
Go out there, get that vision straight, know you’re non-negotiables and listen to those niggles! It’s all okay!
Secrets of Insiders Revealed
If you have 6 minutes and 43 seconds to spare, this video could really change your life!
More info on the amazing program at http://tinyurl.com/insiders2010.
PS — Budget-friendly monthly payment option is only until January 19th.
PPS — There is limited space, so you gotta act fast!
God’s Instinct
I was on the massage table getting the knots worked out of my spine a couple of days ago and I was obviously NOT in the moment because when I left my therapists, I had a blog mapped out.
I have not idea what got me thinking about this in the first place, I’m kinda crazy that way. But I came up with my version of the difference between Intuition, Ego and Instinct. To help me explain it better (and maybe b/c I’m just a little nerdy), I even created my version of Maslow’s Triangle. Well, his had to do with basic needs. Mine is similar but it explains the hierarchy of the Self.
Think of the triangle as you. It is you in your entirety.
The very basic, animal part of you is Instinct. It reacts quickly and responds to fear, stress and any strong emotion if you let it. Think, “fight or flight.” A lot of this has been worked out of us to make us civilized, so it doesn’t take up very much room any more.
The main part of us (or maybe it’s just me?) is the Ego. This is what the average person uses all day, every day. This is the “human” part. It is how we think, compare, remember…all of those kinds of things. It helps us solve problems rationally. It also takes things personally, like when Aunt Clara told you that the sweater you were wearing made you look like your mother.
The Ego is where we get stuck when we assume things, or when we spend a lot of time feeling guilt, worry, or shame. Although sometimes you might feel anger or love here too. It all depends. (The EGO is not necessarily bad! It is required to help us distinguish “me” from “you.” Just want to put that out there…)
The Intuition (or Authentic Self, as I like to call it. You can call it spirit, soul, Source, Universe, God, inner wisdom etc…) is the Highest Self. It doesn’t take up a lot of room, and it is the hardest to access because it’s fairly quiet. I like to think of the intuition as the direct connection to God, or “God’s Instincts.” Intuition is a whisper. You might only hear it once, or you might have a nagging feeling that doesn’t go away. You might look back at a situation and see your intuition warning your clearly, and yet you ignored it. Why? Because the Ego is louder, stronger and likes to get its’ way. So it will try to butt in every time. Take time to get to know your intuition.
I have a quick exercise, if you’re interested.
It takes about 15 minutes of pure, quiet and uninterrupted time. It’s worth it.
Grab a quiet, comfortable place where people will not bug you. And then just sit. Close your eyes. Or not. Then just observe your thoughts. They probably look something like, “this is stupid. I have better things to be doing. Did I remember to take the roast out of the freezer? Is that pot-luck next week or the week after? Should I apologize to my sister, or was the argument her fault…I hate giving in, but someone has to be the bigger women…..” And round and round your thoughts will go. I have a busy brain so I can completely understand.
Just let the thoughts be. Think them, but don’t attack yourself for having them. Some might call this meditation. You might not be great at it, at first, but with practice (see last Wednesdays blog) it will get easier. After a while you will be able to differentiate the difference between your intuition and your ego.
There are tonnes of variations of this exercise out there. A favorite of mine is what Martha Beck calls “Doing nothing” in her book The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life
If you are interested in learning even more about this topic, check out this program.
Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in any way and include the following:
Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs will teach you to discover your authentic self and be free to change careers, find relationships, lose weight and pursue greatness! Clear away 6 years of “baggage” in 6 weeks with The Master LIFE Cleanse.
Effortless but not without effort
This is Part 2 of Monday’s Blog on Standard Transmissions and Learning.
I talked about the 4 stages of learning: Unconscious Unknown, Conscious Unknown, Conscious Known and Unconscious Known. Realize that these learning states apply to absolutely everything in life. At one point you had to learn it before it became a habit. You had to practice and over time you got good at it.
I find using these 4 stages particularly helpful when I talk about being happy, using the Law of Attraction, living in the moment or being authentic. Somewhere along the way, you discovered that life can be different! You don’t have to just keep trudging along as you are now. The moment you figured that out, you entered the Conscious Unknown stage. You knew you could be different, you just didn’t know HOW yet.
So you joined a class, read a book or purchased a program to show you the way. This is when you entered the Conscious Known stage. And Assuming that you picked a decent “teacher” you discovered the HOW and the WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
Here is the problem though. You can’t just read one book, or go to one teleseminar and then complain when things aren’t going your way. That is the same as going to one piano lesson and then giving up when you don’t sound like Mozart. It take practice. It’s the exact same as when I was learning to drive my standard. I completely immersed myself…I created an environment where I HAD to succeed…and I enlisted a teacher.
The same needs to happen for you to succeed. Don’t just do something once and then claim that it doesn’t work.
I hear this a LOT, “Oh, the Law of Attraction doesn’t work for me. It always gives me the opposite.” No it doesn’t. It gives you exactly what you’re asking for, you just need more practice being aware of what you’re really asking.
“Oh. I tried living in the moment, and I just end up getting pulled back into worry and guilt.” How long did you practice? A week? A year? Once? This stuff takes practice!
“I want to find my authentic self, but every time I try, someone accuses me of being selfish.” Yep. That is there plan to keep you doing what they want you to, which is keep them happy. You have to practice. Daily…not whenever you feel like it. 
This stuff is like exercise. If you want to build muscle or gain flexibility or run a marathon, you don’t just go to the gym periodically, you go 5 times a week. You work at it, celebrate your successes and usually enlist a buddy to help you stay on track. Why would life be any different?
So if you want to access the Highly Advanced Level 3 (Conscious Knowing) or even Level 4 (Unconscious knowing…for example, happiness) then you have to put some effort in.
If you joined us for my Discover Your Authentic Life tele-series, you had access to learn all of these things. If you grabbed a Platinum Package you are able to practice this stuff daily. You also would have hear several of the experts talk about effort. Happiness, success, wealth…all of those are “Effortless, but not without effort.” If you practice, take time for yourself, invest in your personal growth you can easily gain more happiness, health and wealth. That is the missing piece of the puzzle.
You can’t just read a book or two, attend a few teleseminars and then sit back and expect stuff to happen. If you know anything about the Law of Atttraction beyond The Secret, then you know that THAT is NOT how it Works!
There are hundreds (actually thousands!) of people out there willing to help you. I am one of them, but it doesn’t have to be me.
Honestly, if you truly want to succeed, you will.
Standard transmissions, business coaching & consciousness! What do they have in common?
What do those three things have in common? ME!
my mazda (the "funnest" car ever)
A couple of years ago, I could drive a standard…if I was forced to. It was rough and jerky and I tended to just tell people I couldn’t, rather than get sucked into doing it. The suited me fine. My hubby had a standard, but my car was automatic, so I never needed to drive one. And he probably dreaded trying to be patient with me as I jerked and stalled and caused havoc with traffic, so he never forced me to.
Time to buy another car…and the one I wanted was a standard!
I actually never thought twice about it. I thought to myself…Hey, I have all the tools I need. I can do it, I just need practice and what better way to ensure that I practice, than to set myself up so that I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO. And this was the case with 2 standard vehicles in the family now.
To be honest, I had a buffer period. We kept my old car about a month, while I was learning. Eventually there comes a point where you’re either going to do it, or your not. And I invested a lot of money into it…so I HAD to. The other choice, to admit defeat and lose thousands of dollars trying to resell the thing (not to mention the time and the headache) just wasn’t an option for me. So I learned. And it didn’t take that long. When you immerse yourself in an environment where you have to succeed, you succeed much quicker.
The brain is a fascinating thing (much like automatic transmissions! I’m telling you, they are truly miraculous! If you’ve never had to drive a standard, you can’t possibly realize how masterful they actually are. To get a machine to do it so smoothly….).
There are 4 stages of learning.
1. Unconscious Unknown.
This is where you don’t even know what you don’t know. Years and years ago, when I learned the basics of driving as a teenager, I didn’t know all of the stuff that went into driving! I never paid attention to the different kinds of signs, and what everything meant, and how to actually get from one place to another without hitting anything, or killing anyone. My coaching is the same. My first year in business, I had absolutely NO CLUE! I thought I did, but there is so much to know it’s impossible for anyone to figure it all out on their own, and be successful in the first year. (Hiring my own coach was the best choice of my life…because she is in a very advanced and aware stage 3).
2. Conscious Unknown
This is when I knew I couldn’t drive a standard. I sucked at it. Same with business (or anything else, really). After being in business for a month or so, I was very much aware of how much I didn’t know. This is also great, because it opened up doors everywhere. There was opportunities in places that I never even thought to look! And because I had someone who knew where they were (and how to get there…and how to open the door and fit in with the crowd beyond it) my transition through these stages was much smoother than most!
3. Conscious Known
I could finally drive a standard. I just wasn’t very good at it. This is the fine line between knowing you don’t know something…and just starting to try it. At this point all you can do is practice, hope for the best and don’t give up! It takes effort, but you’re also starting to see results (I finally got out of the driveway without stalling, and no longer accidentally spun my tires when shifting to first gear).
In my business, things were starting to take off, but it still took a lot of conscious effort! I spent countless hours screwing up my autoresponders, getting the forms wrong, and straightening out my messes! There were so many times when I would get something “just right.” Then my intuition would start bothering me….”you better recheck that.” So I would, and of course, I’d missed something! (I got really good at listening to my intuition!). It took all of the screws up to grow my understanding. If you want to know the ins and outs of your business, you need to learn to do it yourself at first. You’ll grow as a person, and you’ll really appreciate how much work it is when you can hand it off to someone else!
Ideally you will get to an advanced stage of conscious knowing, at least for the majority of your life. I’m not saying that you need to think through every thing you do, but being present as you do it will create appreciation and gratefulness for the small things in life.
4. Unconscious Known
This is a habit. And this isn’t necessarily the place you want to be in life. I’ll explain in a second, first the analogy.
Now I am at the unconscious know state in driving my car. I shift easily, without jerking or spinning my tires, or even noticing. It feel completely natural. In fact, I can’t remember what the big deal was about learning in the first place. I have this assumption than anyone can do it, and that it is really simple. Not a problem!
There are some things in my business that are at this point…my autoresponder is one of them (at least until I switched software, which I did about 2 months ago and the process started all over again!). Now, you might be thinking that this is the ideal place to be. But it isn’t. Do you really want to go through life, unconscious? Uh uh, you sure don’t.
This is what they’re talking about avoiding when they say, “live in the moment.” Again, it’s not that you need to put a lot of effort into thinking about the process for everything you do. But at least do it, aware that you’re doing it! Sometimes I have a bad habit of driving somewhere, caught up in my thoughts, and I arrive at my destination not really knowing how I got there. That is the kind of unconscious known I want to avoid.
What stage are you in right now? Where do you want to be?
If you are in stage 1 or 2 and want life to get a little easier, the fastest way to get there is to find someone who has gone through and get them to “show you the way!”
Want to use this in your ezine or blog? That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in any way and add the following bio:
Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs will teach you to discover your authentic self and be free to change careers, find relationships, lose weight and pursue greatness! Clear away 6 years of “baggage” in 6 weeks with The Master LIFE Cleanse.
