Grass is Always Greener Syndrome
This is part of the big, bad, ugly limiting belief family.
Except that it doesn’t look like a limiting belief, which makes it hard to recognize.
I mean, you’d think that “not settling” and being cautious was a good thing, right?
Right.
Except that sometimes your cowering ego (and by You, I really mean ME) will trick you into thinking that by proceeding you’re settling.
This makes more sense as a true life example.
January has been a tiny bit rocky for me. Nothing catastrophic, or even traumatic, but I seem to be finding excuses to Not Do what I’m “supposed” to be doing.
I listened to my Authentic Self.
She said take a Facebook Break (Oh, and ditch the format of a program that wasn’t working!). Done and done.
But there was still something bugging me, then WAM! Like running into a boulder, I felt it. You know that feeling from when you were a kid and you fell off your bike and had the wind knocked out of you (or maybe that was just me, as a clumsy kid who rode too fast).
It came on fast, but it was gripping!
I was going along, slowly and cautiously. Which is actually quite unlike me. I deal with limiting beliefs A LOT, both in myself and my clients. My process involves acknowledging them, and either letting them be or doing the exact thing I’m afraid of.
Well, then I had a mini-troll. Leaving out details, she told me that I was harming the coaching profession by not educating myself as a coach.
Excuse me?
No where have I claimed to be a “certified” coach. I don’t need to be with my background. It’s in the cards, but I have other things to do.
I don’t think I’ve harmed anyone. Not intentionally. My mission is to spread love, compassion, strength and growth. I also think (and have been told by MANY!) that having a B.A in Psychology and a background in educational psychology, that I know a thing or two about how our brains work, as well as cognitive theory, and all that other stuff.
My ego flared up, and she hurt me, but in a matter of hours I was fine again.
Or so I thought.
What happened is that she brought up my most ugliest limiting belief: You’re not good enough.
I’ve suffered from that one since grade school. (Getting a little revealing here, but that’s part of being authentic. Can’t just talk the talk…gotta walk it too!)
I recognized it, and sought the support needed to deal with it. (HELLO! Best Friend, and Biz Coach….done and dealt with. Or so I thought.)
It wasn’t quite dealt with yet. It was that exact belief that caused: Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome.
When you don’t feel like you’re enough…you’re constantly seeking outwards to find it. Programs, books, coaches…those are all good as long as you recognize the fact that YOU are perfect the way you are right now. But it’s a double edged sword, because you might be confronted with exactly what you need and be too afraid to jump on the opportunity. It happens ALL THE TIME!
Just like that! I realized that ms. mini troll was deflecting her own failure as a coach on me, and that in fact I am good enough…and I have loads of clients and testimonials to prove it.
I’ll finally get to the point. This insignificant person in my life (I have never heard of her before, and I will never again), had the ability to flare up that limiting belief and then turn it into something that nearly caused me to make a huge mistake: Doubt myself.
I began to doubt the decision I made to enter a high end mastermind group (we’re talkin’ 5 figure quality).
To the normal person, this does sound crazy (who pays that much to get coached? The answer: successful people who want action and results FAST!).
BUT because I had this limiting belief, I had a fear that by entering into this one program (and taking on the monthly payments of it) I was cutting off my ability to do other programs. See…grass is always greener.
When talking to the coach about it, I even used the term “Afraid to put all of my financial eggs in one basket.”
Image courtesy of Owais Khan http://www.itvlive.blogspot.com
Did you notice the limited (and lack) language I used. And I was aware of it! (but so confused I could think straight any more)
So I set the intention last night to ask my authentic self to give me the answer, in a clear, loving way so that there was no doubt in my mind around what I should do (enter the mastermind or not).
I got my answer loud and clear this morning, and put the down payment through.
And the truth is, besides clearing out another layer of that nasty limiting belief and exposing more light on it, I’ve also showed the Universe how much faith I have in myself, and the fact that Yes, I do practice what I preach, thank you very much!
- The Universe is abundant. There is no such think as lack.
- I am an awesome human being who deserves to be happy, just because. (Same goes for YOU!)
- Money is just energy.
- Energy is always flowing
- Therefore, money is always flowing (assuming I don’t cut it off with fear and lack mentality).
Another truth…I went through a similar fear when hiring my business coach for the first time (as well as buying my house, paying down my student loan and buying my car). And yet, I have never ever lacked money. Not since I started working. Everything has always been paid for. Just goes to show you that when you stretch…the Universe fills in the gaps.
So there you go. My version of the Grass is Always Greener Syndrome, how the fear of settling nearly cost me a year in business growth, and how I over came it. I have no idea what the point of this post is supposed to be, other than to share with you my authentic self.
Maybe it’s supposed to help you grow, maybe you’ll start to feel that you’re not alone! I hope it does at least one of those.
Wow, Kimberly! You always seem so positive, who knew you were going through all of that! It is a great woman who can share their personal struggles with others, especially since you teach others how to live a balanced happier life.
Though I have not used your professional services, you have gotten me through a couple of rough patches of my own, and I feel that I am a better person just for knowing you. You seem to have a special gift, and are very intuitive when it comes to helping other people. I have ABSOLUTE faith that you are meant to be a life coach, and I think that perhaps your “mini troll” is just jealous of you. I don’t judge her for it, it happens when you are feeling like you are not as successful as someone else. I am so glad that you listened to your Authentic Self and are carrying on as the Universe has planned. PLEASE keep it up…you help many people whether you know it or not!
You are an absolute treasure, Vicki.
I am so pleased to have you among my Facebook friends and eZine list.
I think you’re right about my mini-troll, and every person who enters my life does so for a reason. I actually see a reason for this women (besides to shine more light on one of my limiting belief, she has given me a couple of other gifts).
I am lined up to start my new Mastermind in a couple of weeks and can’t wait to see what 2010 has in store for me.
Thanks for your comments, I love to hear them.
Kim
Hi Kim
This is the first time I have ever written back to an article, I am doing so because it really hit home for me. I tend to doubt myself in many ways but I push my way through it and it helps me somewhere down the line. It does take a lot of convincing myself and the fear is over welming sometimes. I also have taken on a new adventure and have opened a full service fitness center and day spa. After 2 months of being open, I now am expanding and I am going to be offering classes.
I still second geuss myself but I also do not want to look back and say I should have done it when I thought I should have.
Your article was wonderful and I hope everyone enjoys it as much as I have.
Thank you
Karen
WOW! Good for you Karen. It’s so important for people to know that everyone has fear and doubt sometimes. Everyone. It’s the happy and successful people that choose to listen to their authentic self (aka gut) and go ahead anyway.
I know that I still get freaked out often, just over bigger things! That’s just part of growth.
Don’t you find that by going forward anyway, you feel better.
Again though, it’s all about listening to that inner knowing. You just know!
Good for you for facing your fears and pushing through boundaries. Give yourself a HUGE pat on the back.
Kim
While I understand and agree with what you say about money and energy, I’m appalled that ANYONE is charging ANY amount of money for you to participate in a mastermind group. The principle is sound, “where two or more are gathered”, but a mastermind group is a very simple thing–a group of people pooling their energy and thoughts to create for each other and for the planet. This sort of selling what should be given freely and joyously is a perversion of a beautiful and powerful teaching. I would be happy to join with you and with anyone else in a mastermind group for FREE from the limitless abundance of our souls. Sweetie, you’re being ripped off and it makes me angry.
You know what, Jamia, I totally, 100% agree with you.
It’s a 5 Figure QUALITY Mastermind, but it only cost’s 4 figures. Still scary though. And actually, the leader of the mastermind group would totally agree with you to. That’s why she priced it the way she did. The thing is, I’m used to paying for great advice. I don’t mind that at all, and I really will make it all back. It’s all about flow. You make it so that you can give it to someone else and around and around it goes.
I’m paying for the results, yes. But I wouldn’t find this quality of information anywhere for free, unless I wanted to take YEARS of assembling it myself.
You can check it out http://www.ginabellinc.com/erw/.
Kim – well said – once again. Your honesty is helping so many of us.. of course we’ve all experienced self doubt. You have a clear, concise way to teach others how to over come the doubt and to listen to our authentic selves. You continue to inspire me girl! you rock.
jo
Hi Kimberly
A short while ago I learned about the Human Design system and there I found visible indicators for certain people to ‘experience’ certain fears, which are supposed to keep us safe in the now but that we allow to overwhelm us into ‘freeze’ for much too long. And facing these fears and doing at anyway is an effective way to overcome them. The ‘not good enough’ or ‘not know enough’ is one of these. Other fears are ‘making mistakes’, ‘to much struggle’, ‘too ambitious’, ‘what might happen’, ‘it can’t be as it did not work in the past’. The nice thing about these ‘fears’ when they appear as ‘definitions’ is that one can get a handle on them with a little effort. For people without the ‘definition’ they may happen, too, but totally random and seemingly out of the blue. Which just demonstrates how easily we ‘take on’ the energetic output of others around us.
This understanding has helped me tremendously in becoming more aware of fears and beliefs.
Giving the mini trolls and gremlins and Rumpelstilskins their names makes them tear themselves apart and disappear.
Blissings
Ulrike
from Namibia – somewhere in Africa
Thanks, Jo! You know I always love to hear from you and I really value your opinion. Thanks so much for being one of my first supporters, because of that, YOU rock!
I love the honesty of the trials and tribulations of making a big decision for oneself. I’ve always told myself to “go with the gut” if the gut says no than I wait for another time. By the sounds of your decision I think you did go with the gut and that is ALWAYS right ( even if it doesn’t turn out the way you had hoped, I’m sure there is some life lesson at least) enjoy your journey!
Thanks Nancy. I do usually go with my gut. It’s the best way to live according to my own authentic self. And you’re right, even though it doesn’t always turn out the way I expect, when I look back I can see it is always perfect. I usually take these kinds of experiences and try to see what I’m meant to learn, how I can use it to help others, and the quickest way to a solution. I will definitely enjoy my journey. Moment to moment is all we ever have! Thanks for taking the time to comment, I really do love to hear what others think.