Whether preying on Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin (“I am very discreet—but I will haunt your dreams”), taking Charlie Sheen to task as the hard-nosed shrink on Two and a Half Men (a guest stint that earned her an Emmy nomination), or snarling her way through Glee as the decidedly uncheery cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester (Emmy nomination number two), Jane Lynch doesn’t mess around. Here, the openly gay actress and former Second City player, who recently wed her longtime partner, talks about four things in her own life she considers nonnegotiable.

Boundaries: “About ten years ago, right when my career started taking off, I said yes to everything. But then I’d end up feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Now I realize I don’t have to be everywhere at all times and that saying no doesn’t mean I’m letting people down. I consider every project carefully and devote the appropriate amount of time to each one—nothing more, nothing less.”

Commitment: “If I’ve said I’ll do something, I do it. And if I regret that decision later, I’ll still do it. Even in those moments when I’m thinking, “What am I doing here?,” I try my best.”

Honesty: “I start by being honest with myself. And I always expect the people in my life to help out with that. If I’m not seeing something clearly, I want them to tell me.”

Food and drink: “Even when I was broke, I never made concessions on food. I’d have sushi almost every day—and that is not a poor man’s meal! Plus, I’m picky about my coffee: Espresso shots must be drawn correctly; the milk must be steamed just right. To me, coffee-making is an art form.”