A New Perspective on Happiness
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”
So true! For my perfectionists and control-freaks out there (myself included), it’s important to remember this. Sometimes you can get so caught up in making sure everything looks perfect on the outside, that the inside (your spirit) shrivels up and dies!
It’s time to put you back on your priority list. I know it’s a mile long, but start with things that really mean a lot to you. Release the junk that you don’t want in your life anymore. Everything else you can start to intentionally sort into priority piles.
Over time, and with a bit of effort, you life won’t look perfect and you’ll be happier than ever.
Just a thought…
What do you think? Let me know.
It’s Your Right to Be Wrong
Catchy title, isn’t it? I can’t claim it as mine. I was actually sent a “reminder” on Facebook for an event that I didn’t want to go to. But that is a whole other blog on social media etiquette…
Regardless, I loved this subject line. And it got my mind rolling.
What are some other rights that we have as humans, that we so often forget to claim or apologize for? Here is what I came up with:
- Reserve the right to make mistakes. Yes. You are not perfect. I am not perfect and anyone pretending to be perfect isn’t fooling anyone! In my business research I continually see the fact that it’s those who fail continually, who actually succeed. Crazy, I know. But this is the reason why, instead of giving up after one failure, they go on UNTIL they succeed. Keep trying a new avenue and it will eventually work out for you.
- Reserve the right to change your mind. It’s hard for us to do this, especially as women who are used to being nice and accommodating, never to trouble anyone. I say screw that! I know it sounds harsh, but I reserve the right to change my mind at any time especially if something isn’t working for me. Which leads me to…
- Reserve the right to be self-ish. If you don’t focus on making you happy, no one is going to do it for you. AND if you place your happiness in another person’s care, they can easily take it from you, on purpose or not. That doesn’t sound very empowering, does it? Focus on self care, and then spread the love to others. It will be so much easier when you do it this way, even though it’s counter-intuitive at first.
- Reserve the right to say NO. Look back at number 3. This is your life and you only get once chance to live it. Looking back there are very few things that I regret saying no, too. You’re more likely to regret saying yes to something you are just on the fence about, than to say no. Re-prioritize and set boundaries or change your perspective so that saying YES, feels good!
- Reserve the right to say YES! You know when you want to say yes, but something holds you back? You really want to take a ball room dancing class, or ask that cute guy out for coffee but something is holding you back…it’s call fear. Specifically it’s an underlying commitment that at one time worked to keep you safe, now it works to keep you stunted. If there is ANY disconnect between the life you have and the life you want, check your actions and say YES to more of the things that align you with what you want.
- Reserve the right to be vulnerable. You don’t always have to be in control and serene. Sometimes getting emotional and opening up leads to true break-throughs and clarity. AND sometimes it helps people to see you as human. I was once told that I was intimidating, which I found intriguing because I’m introverted, but I have always tried to be approachable. It wasn’t until I started to relax and let my real self show through that people started to really respond to me, but I first had to get it out of my head that I always had to calm and cool to be professional. Warmth does not equal weakness (and excitement or enthusiasm doesn’t mean you’re unsophisticated or “uncool.”)
- Reserve the right to change. That is change, period. Unless you are living underground and in the dark, you are changing every single day. Hopefully you’re changing and expanding with new ideas, new theories, new experiences. It’s as simple as noticing something small and appreciating it (like a beautiful sunrise) that can bring huge change into your life by changing perspective. Reserve the right to grow as a person and (see #2) change your mind.
- Reserve the right the be wrong. See #1!
Reserve the right to give yourself permission to be a human being, full of imperfections and faults.
Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog?
That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in anyway and include the following: For more great info go to http://www.kimberlyenglot.com and get your Free Authentic Life Toolkit, free tips, tools, audios and more! Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs will teach you to discover your authentic self and pursue your dream life with courage and grace.
In a minute you could…change your life!
On the WOW of Happiness call a few hours ago, Gina shared a great tool called
“In a minute you could…”
We had fun sharing things we could do to hugely change our happiness levels, in under a minute. (I think I cheated in a couple…but nothing took more than 5 minutes).
>> If you are reading this and didn’t sign up, but want access to the recording, you have until Wednesday night (March 24) to listen. You can grab the info by going to http://kimberlyenglot.com/wow <<
So here is my quick list of things I do to change my perspective in a wink, and be happy!
- Light my fave candles (they smell like cookies!)
- Take a deep breath and feel energy flowing through me
- Stretch and notice my body moving through the air
- Dance around to my favorite song
- Rapid Fire 5! Quickly list 5 things I love (mint chip ice cream, my cat, laughing with friends, dancing, spring time, bird chirping, the beach…you get the picture).
- Take a look at your surrounding! (You’ve probably not really looked at your environment lately)
- Look at a family photo
- Remember your last vacation
- Read your favorite quote (I keep a list in a journal that I pull out when I need to)
- Watch a funny You-Tube video…this one is my latest fave: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykAPG_Ap7cY
So it doesn’t take much to set your eyes on happiness, and most of the little things count more than all the big stuff combined!
I’d love if you commented on what makes YOU happy. What are the small things you love? Comment, and if you’ve listened to the call, answer the questions I sent out with the recording and you’ll be entered to win my Discover Your Authentic Life system AND Gina’s How Does She Do It? series…all good stuff for amping up your happiness mojo!
4 Great Paradoxes of a Great Life–Explained
Everything is about perspective. The happiest people, the ones who are the most successful and the wealthiest just found ways to make the world work for them. A paradox is when 2 ideas seem to directly oppose each other, and yet can both be true.
The most common example is the phrase: Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink! It may seem contradictory, after all, how can you be surrounded by water and not be able to drink it? So is the case if you are stranded in a life boat in the middle of the ocean. This statement would then be true, and make sense.
As you’re reading these ideas, relax and let the concepts sink it. Don’t fight them if you don’t understand or don’t agree. Hopefully, it will end up expanding your thinking and help you further discover your authentic life.
#1 Be selfish, but always Put the other person first. This is what got me in thinking of this topic. On one hand, I feel that it is most important to make yourself happy first because you can’t rely on others to do it for you. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that I can’t make another feel good too. That is my understanding of this paradox. Overall, I hope to get to a place where I can be happy, no matter what, AND because of that others are happy around me. After all, it is so much nicer to be around someone who is joyful and content, rather than resentful or frustrated. So feel free to put your happiness first. When you are happy, you’re a great role model for those around you.
#2 Live in the moment, but Focus on your future. This is another one that has been rolling around in my head. I have noticed there are two crowds teaching the LoA, and they’re either saying to live in the moment and enjoy what is in front of you, or that you should focus on where you want to go, not where you are. So which statement is true? Well, both. The key to understanding this paradox is the underlying fact that you need to follow your feelings. Yes, enjoy the moment. Feel really good about where you are, while knowing that you’re headed in the right direction. If you don’t feel good about the moment, then view it as a small section of time in your life, focus on the small amount of good, and put the rest of your energy into aligning with how you will feel once you have manifested your dream life.
#3 Fake it to make it, but Be Authentic. This was something one of my mentors wrote about on her own blog and I loved it! I could help but add this one to my list. I have been an advocate for “fake it til you make it,” but only under certain circumstances. So how do you know when to fake it, and how can you still be authentic? The secret is all in knowing why. What do you want to be the outcome? That is, if you want to be successful in business, but are struggling, what do you want? You want to be successful. This is a great example for when you should fake it! Start by creating an office space that commands respect and says “Successful.” Then dress the part. The confidence will slowly follow, and so will the increase in business. By being clear on what you want, you can “fake it” but be authentic. I’m not saying that you should buy an office building, spend lots of money and jet around the world, because that’s what successful people do. Start slow and identify the core idea of success for you. Personally, I never want an office building and I really don’t want to jet around the world speaking at conferences. So that kind of “faking” would be inauthentic, even thought I might end up successful.
#4 Find joy in life by Embracing anger and resentment. This comes from one of my favorite all time paradoxes: No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. It’s impossible to be happy when you’re angry or upset, so pretending to be happy, pushing it down or faking won’t do anything but aggravate you. There is also a false understanding of happiness. Being happy doesn’t mean you don’t get mad. You can experience the entire range of emotions and still be happy. Being joyful means a couple of things: a) you have a trusting in the universe that things will work out (takes the pressure off you having to ‘control’ everything) b) you don’t take things too seriously c) you bounce back easily from disappointments (due to the first 2). Which means you can feel the anger, be disappointed, hate someone, want to throw something…and then recover quickly. Embrace the feeling instead of fighting it. You won’t have to fight it, it won’t hang around as long, and you’ll be a lot happier. Everything is about perspective. The happiest people,the ones who are the most successful and the wealthiest just found ways to make the world work for them, rather than feeling like it’s against them.
These are ideas that will help you find happiness, if you just embrace them., rather than feeling like it’s against them.
Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog?
That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in anyway and include the following: For more great info go to http://www.kimberlyenglot.com to become a Free Basic Member of Authentic Self for free tips, tools, audios and more! Kimberly Englot is the Authentic-Life Coach, & CEO of Authentic Self Personal Development. Her VIP Coaching and group programs will teach you to discover your authentic self and be free to change careers, find relationships, lose weight and pursue greatness! Clear away 6 years of “baggage” in 6 weeks with The Master LIFE Cleanse.
The How of Happiness: 10 Actions to Get You Started
If you studied the happiest people in the world, you would find commonalities among all of them. They view difficult circumstances differently than others. They worry less, feel guilty less and trust more. Happiness is learned, but like a muscle, you need to work it out. Here are 10 actions that you can take today, to start exercising your happiness muscles.
1.Let go of obligations
Sometimes you continue to do things just because you’ve always done them. This doesn’t mean that you have to continue to do them. What are you holding onto that you really resent? Let it go.
2. Say No
Say no when you mean no. Often you get into a habit of saying yes, because you always say yes, and then you later regret it. Set the intention to be aware of the things you’re agreeing too, and make sure that they align with what you want in life. If you absolutely must say yes to something you’re not thrilled about, change your perspective on it.
3.Change your mind
Sometimes circumstances change, impressions change, and people change. This is okay. You are not the same person you were 5 years ago, why do you have to stick with the same decisions? If you wish to switch directions in your life, give yourself permission to change your mind.
4. Question others
You are not a bad person for not agreeing with everyone, some people might just “set off” your intuition. Listen to that gut feeling. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t try to force it.
5. Have your own opinion
That intuition is very important! Like in the above action, having your opinion is very important, it is what sets you apart from everyone else. You can agree with others, or disagree with them, as long as you have a very clear reason as to WHY you agree or disagree.
6. Make mistakes
Learning is growing, and you can’t learn if you’re perfect. Change your perspective on failure. Failure is not a bad thing, it gives you the opportunity to relax, try new things out, test yourself a bit. If you are perfect, you are not living up to your true potential. The more successful you are, the more mistakes you make.
7. Let “it” go
Just release whatever you’re holding on to. Whether a grudge, a relationships, a job or a dream, if it’s causing you pain or holding you back in life, you need to release it. There are many different methods to doing this, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), the Sedona Method and The Work are three well-known methods.
8. Love Yourself
This might be the hardest of all these actions, but it is also the most important. When you love yourself, all the other happiness actions follow. Look in the mirror daily and actually see the person looking back at you. Don’t judge her, just let her know you love and accept her. You are doing the best you can, at any given moment.
9. Seek a new story
Reassess that story you’ve been telling yourself. Is it true? Are you really a victim, simply not control of your situation at all? Can you really not do anything to change, because of something that happened in your past? Is bad luck the main factor in why you’re unhappy right now? Really? Change that story. Feature an empowered, happy and successful person who doesn’t let the past dictate the future.
10. Jump into the fear
This is difficult, there are times where you must calculate risks and there are times where you just have to jump right in without thinking too much. Your intuition will be key in this. I know that in my own life, any time I’ve been really excited about something, it’s come with fear. Are there opportunities in life that have you excited? Do you see greater potential for yourself, but let fear stop you? Don’t let that fear hold you back, find a way around it.
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Those are just 10 steps to get you started. Being happy doesn’t mean you are never afraid, or angry, or frustrated. It means you have a resilience and a trust that others don’t, and that is something you can learn. This can be overwhelming and hard to deal with alone. If you are currently dreaming of changing careers, find love, or making a big change in your life, you’ll want to join me for the Happiness & Harmony Makeover, where I’m covering in detail exactly what to look out for AND how to become a happy person. It’s FREE and you can sign up at http://kimberlyenglot.com/hhteleseminar. About the Author: Kimberly Englot teaches success-driven women how to create the life vision they crave, have the courage to pursue it and live it from a purely authentic place so they can enjoy all the happiness, freedom and success they deserve. Kimberly is the founder of the Center of Authentic Self Development. Learn more about her programs and gain access to FREE coaching, inspiration & advice at: http://www.kimberlyenglot.com. |
