The Only Person Holding YOU back…is you: 3 ways you get in your own way.
It sounds really harsh and shocking, and I want it to be that way. You are the person who is holding you back. There might be others contributing to the problem, but when it comes right down to it, you’re the one who lets them.
- You replace your instincts with someone else’s advice, and/or worry about what other people think. Bad, Bad, Bad idea! This is a case where fear is good…in the form of your intuition telling you not to listen. If you are constantly looking for outward advice/approval then you have lost your authentic voice! You are holding yourself back by not having confidence in yourself. This is simple enough to remedy. Start with baby steps. Say no (when you really want to). Listen to your body (it reacts physically when something feels off) and get back to the basics (look back at your life and count your blessing and all the things you have already accomplished!)
This is your life, you know how to run it! You don’t need someone else’s permission. - You are too attached to your “but” and have too many excuses.
One of my favorite saying is, “Get off your but!” That is, look at the excuses you’re using to hold yourself back. Easy to identify by the standard…”I’d love to do __________, BUT___________.” There is a well known theory out there: if you are hungry enough for something you’ll do what it takes to get it (no matter what the cost). I’m not saying that you should go about things in an unethical, illegal or immoral way, but check your “but” next time. Then ask yourself, is this but a true CAN’T or a WON’T. There is a huge difference. Won’t is very empowering. I means that this is something that you won’t do for whatever reason, and stating it makes you realize how often the can’t is actually a won’t. Give yourself permission to say, “I WON’T exercise tonight because CSI is on,” and you’ll be so much closer to living your truth! - You are focusing on the wrong things. Have you taken time to figure your goals “from the inside out?”
That is where true happiness lies! I wrote a blog on it recently. Think about this scenario (it makes your priorities very clear): if there were a fire or flood and I had 5 minutes to get out (or die) what would I make sure went with me? Most people say they’d grab their kids, pets, photo’s, maybe the odd heirloom. You aren’t going to be worrying about the Volvo or your designer purse. Looking at the inside-out perspective you can see that your family takes precedence over “things”…but are you living that way? You can say, “But I want money FOR my family. So they can have everything they want: nice clothes, iPods, travel.” But I bet, they’d rather see more of YOU then any of those things! Are you holding yourself back from happiness and wealth because your definition of happiness and wealth doesn’t actually ring true to you?
Think about those 3 ways. What is your true definition of success? What kind of excuses are you using, and how are they preventing you from living your authentic life? How are you letting someone else run the show called Your Life? Answer those questions and you will be light years ahead of the average person, who is content complaining about how things are, without actually doing anything to change them! You can also learn more way you are holding yourself back, and how to stop NOW, by becoming a Premium Member and joining us for the live call on Monday!
Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? Sure as long as you don’t change anything and include the following:
Grab your FREE Copy of “Dump The Junk, and Be Happy” eBook at http://kimberlyenglot.com. Kimberly Englot is CEO of The Center for Authentic Self Development. She is the courage you need to put yourself back on your priority list, without feeling guilty or selfish.
Identifying Self Sabotage part 3
Here is the third part of the 4 part Installments I promised.
Part one: “Self doubt and Limiting Beliefs”
Part two: “Fear/worry”
3. Shame/Guilt.
“I’m not worth it.” “I’m not a good person if I put myself first.”
They’re both the same thing and they’re both related to fear. You are telling yourself that you don’t deserve success, health, wealth unless everyone else around you has it too. You are trying to control everyone else’s happiness, which is impossible. What you focus on you get more of, so if you are trying to make everyone ELSE happy you will end up making them happy and you will be drained and overwhelmed.
Another example: You want more money. So you are focusing on having MORE money, which really means you don’t feel like you have enough. So you are actually focusing on NOT ENOUGH…which brings you situations where you feel lack and not enough. Make sense?
Guilt makes you feel selfish for wanting more. Guilt makes you put other people’s needs and wants ahead of your own. Guilt keeps you tired, old-looking and sick.
If you find yourself continually putting someone else first, you are sabotaging your success. If you can find the money to put your children in yet another art class or on a sports team, you can find the money to join a yoga retreat, just for you. Don’t let the guilt of not giving everything to everyone else prevent you from enjoying your own life.
Guilt is a HUGE waste of the present moment. And it’s a really bad habit (like paying for something over and over and over again). Pay once and let it go!!! It can be tempting to just not bother, after all, you’ve survived this long, right? But if you’re interested in thriving, not just surviving, if you need extra help identifying your limiting fears my Mindset Makeover will help.
Right now add the the Mindset Makeover to your cart for $147. Or choose the $30 5-Pay Option
The $30 5-pay option is for those of you who still have money concerns. (5 pays for this kind of product are unheard of, but I never said I followed the crowd 
) but the 5-PAY is ONLY available until JULY 21, 2010. After that, you can no longer pay for it in installments. Learn more about this HERE.
I know you’re going to love this! Between the action guide (that covers the entire Master LIFE Cleanse program) and the 3 teleseminars you are going to flip at all the unique (and simple) ways you can identify your limiting beliefs and leave self sabotage FAR FAR behind you! Add it to your cart now, before you forget and get started on this process immediately!
Identifying Self Sabotage part 2
Here is the second part of the 4 part Installments I promised.
Part one: “Self doubt and Limiting Beliefs”
2. Fear/worry.
“What if…”
Again, meant to keep you “safe” and comfortable, fear and worry are holding you back. If you examined the things you are worrying about, 90% of them will never happen. Of those things that do happen, the anticipation is usually worse than the actual event. It is incredibly silly to spend valuable time and energy worrying about something that will not happen. Why not put that energy into living in the moment and valuing everything you already have, instead of worrying about losing it?
Most common fear is fear of failure. A common story you tell yourself might look like,
“What if I apply for a promotion and don’t get it? What if my boss things I’m crazy to even think I’m valuable enough to apply? What if he sits in his office and laughs at my application? Then I won’t get it and my family will be disappointed. My kids will never get into college and my retirement fund will suffer. My parents will never be proud of my and I will be stuck in the same house driving the same rust-bucket car forever! I can’t handle the rejection. I just won’t apply.”
The problem with these kinds of fears is that they hold you back, so you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t want the rejection of NOT getting the promotion, so you don’t apply. Doesn’t really make rational sense, does it?
But most of these self sabotaguers DON’T make sense rationally, but they are working because if they didn’t work on some level you wouldn’t do them. This can be confusing and overwhelming to do by yourself. It can be tempting to just not bother, after all, you’ve survived this long, right? But if you’re interested in thriving, not just surviving, if you need extra help identifying your limiting fears my Mindset Makeover will help.
Right now add the the Mindset Makeover to your cart for $147. Or choose the $30 5-Pay Option
The $30 5-pay option is for those of you who still have money concerns. (5 pays for this kind of product are unheard of, but I never said I followed the crowd ) but the 5-PAY is ONLY available until JULY 21, 2010. After that, you can no longer pay for it in installments. Learn more about this HERE.
I know you’re going to love this! Between the action guide (that covers the entire Master LIFE Cleanse program) and the 3 teleseminars you are going to flip at all the unique (and simple) ways you can identify your limiting beliefs and leave self sabotage FAR FAR behind you! Add it to your cart now, before you forget and get started on this process immediately!
The Most Important Advice You’ll Ever Receive:
Never, ever give up your power because someone says you should listen to them.” Guru” or not, you always know what is best for you.
James Arthur Ray was arrested a couple of days ago for the deaths of 3 people in one of his event in October. I’m not going to go into the details, but it was a spiritual quest where people experienced a sweat lodge. It involved a lot of high heat and humidity and some pretty bizarre, out-there stuff.
I like James Ray’s theory. I have no judgment on him as a human or a teacher. This is not an article of judgment, nor am I going to cover any kind of detail on the case. Just Google it if you want more info. I have sympathy for the families of those who died, I truly do. It was tragic. But this is not a post about his guilt or innocence.
Instead I want to use this example to underline the importance of Never EVER giving away your own power.
Know your authentic self. Listen to your gut and your intuition. When you do that it will never lead you astray.
There have been times in my life where I have not listened to my gut and regretted it. Nothing as extreme as the above example, but things that harmed me. There have also been times when I’ve refused to listen to an “authority” because my intuition said not to. And I’ve never regretted that.
Listen to your instincts. I have a favorite quote that seems especially powerful here:
“Do not believe anything because it is said by an authority, or if it is said to come from angels, or from Gods, or from an inspired source. Believe it only if you have explored it in your own heart and mind and body and found it to be true. Work out your own path, through diligence.” – Gautama Buddha
Please don’t ever replace something I say, or anything you hear, read or are taught with your own inner knowing.
Sometimes you need to grow and stretch that comfort zone. That is important, BUT there is a difference between growth and disregard for your intuition.
I don’t have it down to a complete science (and don’t take this blog to be the “be all end all” of self help!) but these are some tips I use to help me decide if I should leap, do it and push myself and if I should turn around and run in the other direction.
There are two kinds of fear. Irrational and Rational and the key is to know which fear is affecting you.
Irrational Fear (usually over something that is really unlikely to ever happen) feel like excitement and fear rolled into one. It usually makes me jittery as the adrenaline flows. I envision pure and wonderful potential.
You want to do it (whatever is making you afraid) but something is holding you back. You want the “consequences,” if you can call them that. You want the good results from it!
Example, You want to go back to school but what if you just end up more in debt? You want to go to Europe but you’re afraid the plane will crash. You want to go talk to that person but you’re afraid they’ll laugh at you.
Those types of things hold you back. How likely is it that you’ll end up worse after education? Assuming you did your research and have taken several potential scenarios into consideration, you can follow your gut on this and do it. It’s likely you’ll end up better off than if you didn’t go back.
Flying? Yes there is a small risk, but statistics show it’s less dangerous than driving and most of us do that every day. Does your fear out-weigh your excitement for Europe? Would you regret not going to Europe?
Talking to someone can be scary. But I always look at it this way,
A—people really don’t pay that much attention to me. They’re too busy worrying about themselves to worry about me.
B—If I do make a mistake and look like an idiot I’m no worse off (I’m in the same place, as if I hadn’t tried, still alone with no date). In fact, I’m better off because now I know and can move on.
See what I mean? Irrational fears are the kind that are holding you back, but you don’t want them to! When I come across some of them, I will normally head right towards the fear.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” Susan Jeffers
Then there is Rational Fear. This is when your intuition is speaking up (and loudly!). The chances of something going wrong are high, and you’re possibly in a dangerous predicament (physically, spiritually or emotionally), and the consequences of this decision could be ugly.
Examples include walking along down a dark street in a dangerous part of down, getting in a car with a drunk driver, spending all of your savings on someone who is going to make you rich, or quitting your job to pursue your career as a trapeze artist! All joking aside, there is a difference between having faith in yourself and making bad decisions.
There’s a good chance that you will get hurt walking down a dark street in a scary part of town or driving drunk. Eventually it’s going to catch up with you.
Putting all of your faith in another person saving you is also a huge red flag. It’s setting you up for failure because you cannot depend on someone else making you happy.
And quitting your job is a good idea if you have something to fall back on. Don’t put yourself in jeopardy to prove anything. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, ever. As long as you’re okay with you, nothing else matters.
So when confronted with a situation that makes you stop and feel fear, ask yourself
“What am I feeling? DO I want to run towards this opportunity and the potential results will all my heart? Or do I want leave and get as far away as possible right now?”
I am famous for asking my friends and family for their opinions and advice and then not listening. My husband used to get annoyed. I don’t do it to be a pain in the butt, or to be disrespectful.
I do it because by finding out what other people think I should do, I clarify what I already know.
You already know what you need to do. You don’t need me, or James Ray or your mother to tell you what it is. I’m just here to support you while you do it.
So don’t believe everything I say, or take a lot of stock in my life experiences if they’re not a good fit for you. AND trust me, you’ll know.
Empower yourself. Let your Authentic Self be the last voice on every decision you make!
How can you tell the difference between your rational and irrational fear? I’d love to know. Comment and help me (and others) with your tips and techniques!
Get Out Self Doubt!
By Kimberly Englot
Everyone suffers from self doubt. Everyone. Even the most successful person in the world occassionally has self doubt, it’s part of being human and having a functioning brain!
I have a feeling that self doubt starts off as a good thing…it keeps you safe as a child. Your mother may have constantly been warning you to be wary of strangers and to always look before you cross the street. As you got older, the need for those safety precautions disappeared, but they stayed with you!
You are constantly watching and limiting your behaviour. Don’t say that you might look foolish! Don’t wear that, it makes you look fat! Don’t read that you’re not smart enough! Don’t…Don’t…Don’t!
All of these don’t are your brain’s way of keeping you safe, and they work in a not-good way! Sometimes safe isn’t good! There are certain ways in which safe keeps you small and stagnant. You cannot grow and learn if you’re always safe.
I guarantee that if you talk to anyone you consider to be successful they will tell you that they take risks! They might be calculated risks, but they’re still risks! (And there lies the key to success, the calculated risk….but that’s another blog post…) .
I do something that scares me at least a couple of times per week. Not in the range of jumping out of an airplane or mountain climbing, but something that definately stretches my comfort zone! The whole time leading up to the actual “scary event” I’m aware of my limiting beliefs. And I know they’re there…I hear the self doubt chattering, but I don’t get involved in it. I don’t let it become the truth! With each scary thing that you conquer you will see your self esteem grow!
“Feel the fear and do it anyway” Susan Jeffers
Worry & Guilt, what actions are you taking to get rid of them?
By: Kimberly Englot
Worry & Guilt are two negative thoughts that everyone deals with. It is important to recognize that they are toxic thoughts and causing you to miss your life. Let me explain.
Your body is always in the present moment. It has no choice. Your mind, on the otherhand, can travel back in time and into the future. When your mind is not in the current moment, you are missing out on life because life only happens NOW. When you worry, your mind is in the future. You’re thinking about “what if” and dreaming up stories that may or may not come true. Think about it, though. If your body is here now, but you’re worrying about something that might happen in an hour, or next week, or 20 years down the road can your body actually do anything about it? No it can’t. Assuming that you have done everything you possibly can to prevent things from occurring you have to let go of your false sense of control for everything else. You can only control you and your responses to events. The idea that you can control external circumstances (especially by worrying) is a false sense of security that you need to quash immediately because it is keeping you from living right now.
Guilt is the exact same issue, only occurs when your mind travels to the past. You feel guilty about the fight you had with your husband, best friend, mom, whomever. You feel guilty for having to work and dropping your baby off at daycare. You feel guilty about not working and staying home to raise the kids. You feel guilty for saying no to volunterring on some project you didn’t really want to do, or you feel guilty for wanting more time for yourself! Guilt is everywhere. Again, it is something that you are putting on yourself. Don’t let your inner critic tell you that you should be feeling guilty for some reason or another. Feeling guilty doesn’t change the circumstances. They’ve already occurred. All you can do it grab the present moment and get the most out of it1
Life is lived NOW. Don’t look up in 20 years and wonder where life went.
Here are a few tips:
3. Is it this thought rational?
4. Is it something I can fix or prevent?
5. If you have already done everything you can, it is out of your hands. There is not point in letting guilt and worry steal your life from you.
6. If all else fails remember this one thought:
“No one put you in charge of the world.”
Are you in a hurry to get things done? Rush & rush until life's no fun?
“I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But, I’m in a hurry and don’t know why
Don’t know why
I have to drive so fast
My car has nothing to prove
It’s not new, but it’ll do 0 to 60 in 5.2 !
I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But, I’m in a hurry and don’t know why
Can’t be late
I leave in plenty of time
Shakin, hands with the clock
I can’t stop
I’m on a roll and I’m ready to rock!
I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But, I’m in a hurry and don’t know why
I hear a voice
It says I’m running behind
I better pick up my pace
It’s a race and there ain’t no room for someone in second place
I’m in a hurry to get things done
Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But, I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”
Those are the lyrics to the song, “I’m In a Hurry” by Alabama. I grew up loving that song! I viewed it as a theme song for my life. I was continually in a rush, but I never really knew why. I was running around from one thing to another always telling myself that I would take time to enjoy life after (insert whatever I was working on)…But I never did.
I was constanly trying to fill an internal void with external success, and so happiness and peace always eluded me. Then a HUGE thought hit me!
What if all of this rushing around was making me miss out, and my life was actually great just as it was! Couldn’t I be happy right at this very moment? Why did I have to wait to be happy?
Could I take time to enjoy what I was doing in any one moment, rather than rushing to get something done just to start to rushing for something else. That obviously wasn’t working for me. I was stressed all the time, and unhappy. And I never did take time afterwards to enjoy my life. What if life wasn’t a race? What if it didn’t matter if I came in second?
So, I tried something new. I begin living like THIS is it! Instead of putting off getting nice sheets, I bought them, and enjoy them! I lit the fancy candles I was saving for a special occassion, and made that occassion special! I gave myself a facial, and read that book I was pushing to the bottom of my to do list. Doing all of these supposed small things, made me realize how great my life really was.
Life is great right now!
I can really see what I was doing to myself before. I was letting my life rush past me, and not enjoying a minute of it — under the illusion that getting “life” out of the way first would make life more enjoyable later. I’m so glad I found the real secret to happiness, before it was too late.
What are you rushing to finish right now? Will you take the time to love your family after you get that promotion, or can you do that right now? What are you waiting for?
