The Most Important Advice You’ll Ever Receive:
Never, ever give up your power because someone says you should listen to them.” Guru” or not, you always know what is best for you.
James Arthur Ray was arrested a couple of days ago for the deaths of 3 people in one of his event in October. I’m not going to go into the details, but it was a spiritual quest where people experienced a sweat lodge. It involved a lot of high heat and humidity and some pretty bizarre, out-there stuff.
I like James Ray’s theory. I have no judgment on him as a human or a teacher. This is not an article of judgment, nor am I going to cover any kind of detail on the case. Just Google it if you want more info. I have sympathy for the families of those who died, I truly do. It was tragic. But this is not a post about his guilt or innocence.
Instead I want to use this example to underline the importance of Never EVER giving away your own power.
Know your authentic self. Listen to your gut and your intuition. When you do that it will never lead you astray.
There have been times in my life where I have not listened to my gut and regretted it. Nothing as extreme as the above example, but things that harmed me. There have also been times when I’ve refused to listen to an “authority” because my intuition said not to. And I’ve never regretted that.
Listen to your instincts. I have a favorite quote that seems especially powerful here:
“Do not believe anything because it is said by an authority, or if it is said to come from angels, or from Gods, or from an inspired source. Believe it only if you have explored it in your own heart and mind and body and found it to be true. Work out your own path, through diligence.” – Gautama Buddha
Please don’t ever replace something I say, or anything you hear, read or are taught with your own inner knowing.
Sometimes you need to grow and stretch that comfort zone. That is important, BUT there is a difference between growth and disregard for your intuition.
I don’t have it down to a complete science (and don’t take this blog to be the “be all end all” of self help!) but these are some tips I use to help me decide if I should leap, do it and push myself and if I should turn around and run in the other direction.
There are two kinds of fear. Irrational and Rational and the key is to know which fear is affecting you.
Irrational Fear (usually over something that is really unlikely to ever happen) feel like excitement and fear rolled into one. It usually makes me jittery as the adrenaline flows. I envision pure and wonderful potential.
You want to do it (whatever is making you afraid) but something is holding you back. You want the “consequences,” if you can call them that. You want the good results from it!
Example, You want to go back to school but what if you just end up more in debt? You want to go to Europe but you’re afraid the plane will crash. You want to go talk to that person but you’re afraid they’ll laugh at you.
Those types of things hold you back. How likely is it that you’ll end up worse after education? Assuming you did your research and have taken several potential scenarios into consideration, you can follow your gut on this and do it. It’s likely you’ll end up better off than if you didn’t go back.
Flying? Yes there is a small risk, but statistics show it’s less dangerous than driving and most of us do that every day. Does your fear out-weigh your excitement for Europe? Would you regret not going to Europe?
Talking to someone can be scary. But I always look at it this way,
A—people really don’t pay that much attention to me. They’re too busy worrying about themselves to worry about me.
B—If I do make a mistake and look like an idiot I’m no worse off (I’m in the same place, as if I hadn’t tried, still alone with no date). In fact, I’m better off because now I know and can move on.
See what I mean? Irrational fears are the kind that are holding you back, but you don’t want them to! When I come across some of them, I will normally head right towards the fear.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” Susan Jeffers
Then there is Rational Fear. This is when your intuition is speaking up (and loudly!). The chances of something going wrong are high, and you’re possibly in a dangerous predicament (physically, spiritually or emotionally), and the consequences of this decision could be ugly.
Examples include walking along down a dark street in a dangerous part of down, getting in a car with a drunk driver, spending all of your savings on someone who is going to make you rich, or quitting your job to pursue your career as a trapeze artist! All joking aside, there is a difference between having faith in yourself and making bad decisions.
There’s a good chance that you will get hurt walking down a dark street in a scary part of town or driving drunk. Eventually it’s going to catch up with you.
Putting all of your faith in another person saving you is also a huge red flag. It’s setting you up for failure because you cannot depend on someone else making you happy.
And quitting your job is a good idea if you have something to fall back on. Don’t put yourself in jeopardy to prove anything. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, ever. As long as you’re okay with you, nothing else matters.
So when confronted with a situation that makes you stop and feel fear, ask yourself
“What am I feeling? DO I want to run towards this opportunity and the potential results will all my heart? Or do I want leave and get as far away as possible right now?”
I am famous for asking my friends and family for their opinions and advice and then not listening. My husband used to get annoyed. I don’t do it to be a pain in the butt, or to be disrespectful.
I do it because by finding out what other people think I should do, I clarify what I already know.
You already know what you need to do. You don’t need me, or James Ray or your mother to tell you what it is. I’m just here to support you while you do it.
So don’t believe everything I say, or take a lot of stock in my life experiences if they’re not a good fit for you. AND trust me, you’ll know.
Empower yourself. Let your Authentic Self be the last voice on every decision you make!
How can you tell the difference between your rational and irrational fear? I’d love to know. Comment and help me (and others) with your tips and techniques!
Who Am I? Confronting my worst fear
To preface this post: I am terrified of FAILURE! It’s a huge driving force for me to succeed, but as I learned, if you don’t look the fear in the eye and tell it to go away it will own you (and you will eventually sabotage yourself anyway).
Sometimes you have to be careful. Well, I’m actually referring to myself in this post (yep, another one all about me 
).
Sometimes I have to be careful OR I will end up not exactly where I wanted to be. Which is where I am.
I know!It’s a bit ironic….
Here I am, an authentic-life coach, and I managed to end up in a bit of an unauthentic place. And now I’m publicly writing about it!!!! But that is exactly why I’m going public, because if I can’t be honest and free…who can?
Here it goes…
So I had a plan, to unveil my Insiders Group. It’s (or rather it was) a monthly membership group. This year’s focus is all about Happiness, Using the Law of Attraction, and Discovering Your Truth. But the last couple of weeks, I just wasn’t feeling it. I ignored that feeling and kept going, which means I didn’t really give it my all to promote it.
I was full of excuses…”It’s through Christmas…people are with their families. I want to spend time with my family, not promoting and working.”
But I had a “niggle” that something wasn’t right. I attributed it to things being slow (but come on, December is so busy for everyone).
Nope, that’s not it.
The truth was that the program had morphed into something that didn’t feel like me. AND it happened slowly and stealthily.
I had to change one thing, but then that one changed affected something else…and then I had to change something else. So before I knew it, my “flexibility” ended up creating a monster.
No matter what I tried I could feel right about it.
In a panic on Monday, I reached out to my business coach for support. I was searching and reaching for something that I could never find. Maybe I should adjust my marketing plan, maybe my niche isn’t right, maybe…maybe…maybe… And in the back of my mind was this thought that I didn’t want to think.
Maybe this program isn’t YOU any more and you need to let it go.
NOOOOOO! That can’t be it, that would be giving in, giving up, and failing. Maybe if I just find something else….
So I was searching and searching, finally I allowed myself to acknowledge that haunting little voice. It wasn’t my ego, or any limiting beliefs, it was my Authentic Self calling me, asking me to return to what I had originally asked for.
My business coach (bless her soul!) made it okay for me to “give up” and actually showed me that giving up was actually going to save me, so it wasn’t really giving up.
So I cancelled my Discover Your Authentic Life Insiders Group. ( I guess you could say this is your official notice)
It had morphed into something that I didn’t want. BUT the crazy thing is, that now that I’ve confronted that fear and gone head first into it, I feel great! I don’t feel like I gave in or failed at all. I feel bright and shiny again, like my self….my authentic self!
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the content that I was preparing to share with the group.
I love all of the experts I had lined up, and all of the cool bonuses I was unveiling.
And I will continue to love all of that, but I don’t have to settle for “good enough” when it comes my business.
If I want to deliver that content in an 8 week program, I can. I don’t need to be flexible when it comes to that part of me. There is no need for me to conform to what others want me to do, at least not to the point where I have lost myself and my voice.
From this, I have re-found my authentic voice and I want you to learn a few things:
- Flexible is good. Just make sure it always feels good to you. There is no point in bending until it hurts (or even just “niggles.”)
- Support is imperative! Think of all of the money I could have spent on books, marketing solutions and courses trying to make my idea right. There isn’t enough money in the world to throw at a problem that comes from covering up your authentic self. Instead of spending thousands on systems, I funnel my budget towards my coaching and mentorship. Don’t get me wrong, systems are wonderful. They make life much simpler, but only if you have the right intention behind them. And you can’t always find that intention if you’re trying to fit yourself into a vision that doesn’t work for you anymore. If I didn’t have my coach to tell me that it was okay to change my mind, and then change my mind again and again and again, if I needed to, then I would have just thrown money at the problem and tried to make it go away.
- Working on it doesn’t work. Yep, you’ve heard me say this before. It’s the title of one of my fave books AND a subject I was covering in the Insiders Group (is that ironic??) but it’s really true. Like I said above, you can’t work on something to fix it. You have to acknowledge it and let it be. When I acknowledged that the group had turned into something that I didn’t want anymore, the problem immediately disappeared. Instantly! I realized that there was no problem and could see the non-solution! (Which was cancel the group as it is, use the content in a different way (when it feels right) AND focus on what you love (my Master LIFE Cleanse material)). So that is what I’m doing. I quick working on it, and just acknowledged it’s presence, and now it’s gone.
- Everyone gets stuck sometimes (see the importance of #2). Even authentic-life coaches and people who “should” know better. In fact, it’s very very easy and only takes one “should” or obligation or “have to.” Very important to have someone who can point this out, and give your permission to do what scares you (but that you know you want to do anyway).
- It’s okay to be afraid of the authentic self, but don’t let that deter you from following it. (See #2 to help you get through that fear!)
So those are my lessons. I now feel free, fabulous and can’t wait to re-direct my energy to something that really feels great to me! I will revisit the Happiness, Using the Law of Attraction, and Discovering Your Truth stuff (after all I absolutely love that stuff too!), but it wil
l change to fit me instead of me changing to fit it!
Go out there, get that vision straight, know you’re non-negotiables and listen to those niggles! It’s all okay!
