• “I love her, but I dread spending time with her…”
• “But, we’ve been friends FOREVER…”
• “I never feel like she truly listens to me, but she never fails to call me at 3am after another bad break up.”
• “He only calls me when he needs money.”
• “I dread meetings with him. He manages to make me feel so inadequate…”

I get at least one email with a similar example per month, from someone who is unsure if they’re in a toxic relationship, and what to do about it.

The basic question they’re asking is: Should I Stay? or Should I Go? And they’re looking for permission to do what their heart is already whispering: This person isn’t good for you. Get out now!

But the guilt sets in. Followed by the rational excuses to stay:

• You’re a nice person.
• You don’t want to hurt their feelings.
• You don’t want to deal with the drama.
• You can’t leave your job right now.
• It’s better to have negative contact than NO contact…at least this way you know they’re okay.

And on and on go the reasons to put up with this hurtful, harmful treatment.

Because only YOU can truly know the answer, I won’t give you a concrete Yes or No answer on how to identify and deal with a toxic relationship. I will give you 4 questions to help you assess if this is a toxic person for you (remember: toxic doesn’t mean they’re bad people…just bad for you, right now) and how invested you are in trying to save it.

Consider: Physical and Emotional reaction when with Person X. List 5 normal reactions for each. Then ask:

1. What am I getting out of this relationship? (Why am I still allowing this relationship, if I have already identified it as toxic.)

2. Do I truly care about the survival of this relationship, or has it just been something I’ve unconsciously continued with?

3. Do I cherish this person and everything they offer for me?

4. Am I willing to possibly do all the work in this relationship to make it work? Do I take full responsibility for my part and still (honestly) wish to continue?

If you’re interested in seeing a FREE video on my favorite techniques for dealing with people who drive you crazy, and the 10 Part Dump The Junk eCourse (with free reports, audios and articles sent directly to your inbox once or twice a week) REGISTER HERE:

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Quick reminder:

Mother-In-Law always criticizing how you raise your kids?

Angry unsubscriber picking on grammar, spelling or how often you email your list?

Ex who says stuff like, “Hey, I love that dress. It reminds me off my Grandma” ?

It’s NOT about you, don’t take it personally.

Even if they are brave enough to facilitate a direct attack on you, it’s not really about you.

It’s a Junk story they’ve created in their own heads.

That’s about them…you’re fabulous, just as you are.

Confessions of a Happy Person…

I’m EXTRA spunky today (my husband says it’s because of the full moon?) and so  I’m going to funnel it into something that I think you’ll be relieved to find out — You’re Not Alone.

Sometimes people suck.

And by “people,” I’m generalizing. Sometimes I suck, I’m sure you’re not perfect either

There, I said it. You know it — so quit judging me and pretending you have no idea what I mean.

I work with a lot of people, thousands over the last 10 years and I’ve learned a few things. Hopefully my experience will make yours much less painful, and you can apply my experience to life and business.

You can stop feeling like you’re alone in this irritation, and stop ignoring it (because ignoring this fact won’t make you feel better and won’t change a thing. You can’t change reality by ignoring it or fighting it.)

Here I go…

1. People will disappoint you.

   Even ones you love will break promises, not follow-through or outright lie to you about their intentions.  Sometimes this is intentional, mostly it’s not.

2. Not everyone will agree with you.

   Some will say you’re wrong or you don’t know what you’re talking about. Some will give you a look, and others will point at you and laugh This doesn’t feel good, but it happens and there is nothing you can do. Trying to please everyone will leave you burnt out, unhappy and you’ll still have people who think you’re “doing it wrong.”

3. Not everyone will like you.

   Just like #2, about 50% of the people will like you and about 50% will not. Trying to make everyone like you in not authentic and by doing so you’re also leaving your integrity on the floor to be stomped all over. It is hard going against the crowd, but staying true to who you are and standing up for your own values will leave you happier than having a lot of “friends” who don’t even like the real you.

4. Everyone has a shadow.

   It shows up as fear, jealousy and sabotage. There are some people who are so unhappy, uncomfortable and un-confident that they will do what they can to bring you down. Don’t be surprised if these people end up being the ones you thought you could depend on. Sad, but true. Those closest to you might get a little bit jealous when you start losing weight, making more money or playing a bigger game. They’ll get passive-aggressive, or outright snarky, and they’ll do what they can’t to make you feel bad. Jealousy can get ugly.

While you might have a perfect life where none of this exists (if that’s the case, why are you reading this?) 99% do not. I have been fairly lucky, with my attraction marketing plan (in business and in life) and through doing a Life Cleanse on myself twice a year since 2009, I have eliminated a lot of this. But I do get the odd troll who just wants to bring me down, and often its the trolls I thought I could depend on that sting the most.

So what can you do?

• Recognize them for what they are: Human. People have bad days, and some are just mean spirited. If they’re an snarky email comment, or a nasty Facebook Friend or Twitter follower, delete and block. If it’s someone in your life, you’ll have to make bigger changes to yourself (or your relationship).
• Acknowledge that “it is what it is.” The reality of your situation is that it is what it is, because it is what you’re currently experiencing. And fighting it or disagreeing with it won’t make it go away, or make you feel better. In fact, you’ll usually feel worse.
• Turn to your true “tribe” for proper support (you know the ones that you know for sure, are their for you). My true tribe is really small…a tribe of about 5, depending on the issue, but I have a tribe of several thousand through Twitter and Facebook who I can count on most of the time to “get” me. Not always, but like I said, my attraction marketing works and I have some FAB people in my social media circle!

That’s it for this true-life confession. Don’t feel bad, you’re not alone, sometimes people really do suck!

©2010 Kimberly Englot

Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? Sure as long as you don’t change anything and include the following:

Grab your FREE Copy of “Dump The Junk, and Be Happy” eBook at http://kimberlyenglot.com. Kimberly Englot is CEO of  The Center for Authentic Self Development and author of “The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula” (2011).

I’ve had one of those days…you know the days where you’ve just had enough!

The last month has been very clear for me. I defined exactly what I wanted my life and business to look like and now I’m going through a bit of “chemicalization” to clear away the junk: toxic people, rancid relationships, nasty limiting beliefs. I’m doing the same for a few clients, too.

It’s actually a prime time for all this to happen because I’m about to teach the Master LIFE Cleanse one last time this year, starting in 2 days.

I won’t get into the ugly details, but suffice it to say that I feel the need to define what SELFISH actually means because there are a lot of people out there who will do what they can to make you feel bad when you try to take care of your own wellbeing first!

There are many people who will call you “selfish” or “cowardly” when you have the audacity to please yourself rather than them. Often others will call you “selfish” (because you are unwilling to yield to their own selfishness) without realizing the hypocrisy of their demand.
When other’s call you “selfish” or “cowardly,” their own vibrations are clearly out of balance, and a modification of your behaviour will not bring them into balance.
Abraham-Hicks, Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health & Happiness

So if you have someone in your life telling you that you’re the selfish one, take a closer look at their motives to pushing you into something, they’re probably self-serving.

(Oh, and think of the bad karma they’re building up by bullying you into serving them.)

Understandably, people are confusing my Master LIFE Cleanse program, with the “master cleanse” (a lemonade diet) and “life cleanse” (some weight loss pills)…the Master LIFE Cleanse has nothing to do with colons, is not a diet nor a weight loss solution…unless you are looking to shed excess negative thoughts, toxic relationships and limiting beliefs!

I explain exactly what the Master LIFE Cleanse is in the video below, as well as give you more information to help you continue to cleanse your life from emotional junk so you can discover your authentic self.

Know what you want, but aren’t  a video-watcher?

I invite you to join me (and Gina Bell) for the Fall 2010 Session of The Master Life Cleanse.

We are taking participants from “I hate everything” to “I’m so happy in 6 weeks!”

Join us or learn more at http://themasterlifecleanse.com

According to the first definition on http://urbandictionary.com: A “toxic” person who poses as a friend but subconsciously or consciously wishes you harm.

Couldn’t have written it better myself.

A “frienemy” (friend- enemy) is a type of toxic person. And you have no room for these people in your authentic life. So this post will reveal all of the classic signs of a frienemy, so that you’re aware if you have one! I’ll cover the basics of what to do if you have a Frienemy on this weeks radio show, and I’m going into details in the Master LIFE CLEANSE starting in March.

Sign #1: You dread calling her if you have good news!
Congratulations are in order! You have a new job, just got engaged or are expecting a baby. You can’t wait to tell everyone…except one person. You dread calling her because she will find a way to “rain on your parade” (pardon the cliche) and make the happy occasion not so happy. Whether she starts in on why the timing isn’t great, or about how your life is always so great and the fact that you’re lucky while her life sucks, she leaves you feeling sorry for her. You also end up resenting her for not being happy for you.

Sign #2: After spending time with her you feel worse.
It’s time for the monthly get together with your best frienemy. You’re feeling optimistic, good things are happening for you and you can’t wait to hear all about her new boyfriend! It’s been a month and lots can happen! You’re really excited to see her. Nothing like a wonderful afternoon spent talking with a good friend! You meet her at the coffee shop, order a latte and sit in the comfy chairs to start catching up. After an hour your smile is gone, along with your energy and your bouncy outlook on life. It’s one thing to support someone in a time of need, another thing to always be supporting one person because she’s ALWAYS in need. Her boyfriend broke up with her, she hates her job and she got a parking ticket. When you finally get around to talking about you, you don’t even feel like sharing anything with her. By the end of the visit you slink back to your car feeling like you need to take a long nap…so much for good vibes today.

Sign #3: You’ve been friends for a really long time and now you can’t remember why.
I had a client send me an email. She was desperate because she had a big event coming up and one person was ruining it for her. This was a momentous occasion! An engagement only happens once (hopefully). The frienemy was so excited that she didn’t even mind that she wasn’t going to be the maid-of-honor! Except that she decided to take over the planning of the bridal shower and the girls-night-out party. The resentment and jealousy became obvious when my client learned that the “friend” had been spinning tales, getting in between people, and bad mouthing almost everyone. WOW! What to do?

“We’ve been friends forever! I can’t imagine my bridal shower without her.”

“How fun is it going to be with everyone fighting, or no one speaking?” I asked her. “Sounds like you have a frienemy…”

My client decided that this time of her life, the engagement and everything leading up to the honeymoon, was precious and that this friend needed to be dealt with. Looking back she said that things have felt off for a long time, she just didn’t want to admit it.

If you have a friend whose been in your life for a long time but you just don’t have a connection anymore, don’t feel bad. People grow and change, relationships should too.

Sign #4: You become someone you don’t like when you’re with her (complaining, whining, being negative or judgmental).
You’re in a great mood. Can’t wait to talk to your office friend Jenny about the latest gossip going around the office. You’re feeling really good, it’s been a good day. You got everything you wanted accomplished and you deserve a good 15 minute coffee break. Sitting down with her, it turns into a 20 minute complain-fest. By the end of it, you hate your job, the company and anyone that dares to look at you. What’s changed? Your energy patterns have, and you became the negative person that you usually try to avoid!

Those are just a few of the signs that you have a potential Frienemy. It’s not necessarily her fault, she might not be aware of it. And some environments bring out the worst in otherwise great people. Once you’re aware of the effect of these friends, it’s important to guard yourself.

I go into more detail on the types of toxic people and give you some tips for how to deal with them on Authentic Self Expressions this week (4:30 pm CST on Wednesday, February 10, 2010).  If you need more help for the toxic relationships in your life, join us for the Master LIFE CLEANSE where we talk in great detail about Toxic People and how to protect yourself from them (and what to do if YOU ARE the toxic person in the relationship!). Learn more about that at http://themasterlifecleanse.com

Want to use this in your eZine or on your blog? That’s fine as long as you don’t alter it in any way and include the following: