You’re Always Happy — And I’m Jealous
I had a profound experience Saturday.
You see, after an up and down week I had a coaching session with my own coach. As usual, she turned everything around and helped me see the true light, instead of the tiny bit of darkness I had been focusing on. By noon, I had accomplished more than in the 5 days leading up to that point, and I felt great! (Amazing how one person can do that for you).
So I was humming and dancing around the house and my cat, Maxx and husband were both thinking I’d finally lost my grip on reality.
After supper, I sat down on the couch and DH was sitting in his chair. I had a margarita in my hand (what better way to end a fabulous day) and I looked at him and said, “I had such a great day today. I feel so darn good. I’m so happy.”
(And remembering this moment is actually bringing tears to my eyes…)
And he looked and me and said, “Kim, you’re ALWAYS happy. I am jealous. I want to feel that way too.”
I sat on the couch blown away.
You might not think this is a big deal, but I have to tell you a similar story…then it will all make sense.
About 3 years ago, I was standing at my kitchen counter looking at piece of paper from our previous apartment landlord. It was telling us that we wouldn’t be getting our full deposit back because of some damages done to the apartment (that were there previously). I’m not going to get into it, but I was furious.
Livid might be a better word. I was standing and shaking and probably turning red. At this point in my life, I hated everything and almost everyone. I was unhappy, and there was nothing I could do about it (so I thought).
So I showed the letter to my husband who simply shrugged. This irked me. And I said something like, “Frick, I hate this company. What a stupid company. This wasn’t even our fault…now what are we going to do?”
And he just looked at me and said, “Kim, you hate everything.” And that was it. This simple sentence hit me like a ton of bricks and ripped my heart open.
And that was the exact moment that I decided to change my life. So 3 Years later…as I sat in the very same house, with the same furniture, the same husband, the same cat (and probably wearing the same pair of sweatpants) and I felt overwhelmed with gratitude at how much taking some responsibility for myself and my results, and making the effort to just be happy changed me.
From “You hate everything…” to “you’re always happy” in less than 3 years. That’s pretty good, I’d say 
.
Now if you are interested in how I did it (it was much easier than you might think). 
I hope you’ll join me (and my coach, Gina Bell) for our Free Teleseminar, The WOW of Happiness on March 22 at 7pm CT. Gina is sharing with you the 10 Shockingly Simple Steps to Boost Your Happiness So You Can Experience More Fun and Fulfillment in Every Facet of Your Life, and I’m chiming in with my advice and experiences. (I LOVE this topic and have been using myself as a guinea pig for the last 3 years.) Sign up at http://kimberlyenglot.com/wow
Kim, I think this is the best post you’ve ever written. Thank you for sharing this story.
I KNOW there are others out there who feel the way you did 3 years ago… where everything feels hard, a small breeze from the wrong direction can set off their anger, they are frustrated about almost every area of their life – career, relationships, self.
I can’t wait for the WOW of Happiness call to give others hope that it doesn’t have to be this way (and of course share specific ways they can begin to change their life experiences immediately).
~ Gina xo
Thanks Gina!
Something about that statement on Saturday brought everything back, and made me remember the EXACT moment and situation that made me sit up and take notice. I’m so glad I did. Life is way better now, even though not much has change in my physical environment.
“Being Happy” IS a decision. However, “Resilience” plays a key role in maintaining authentic happiness. There are times in everyone’s life when the ability to be happy is challenged – especially when there is a series of loss or feelings of overwhelm brought on by life’s challenges – like family illness and loss over a very short time. I question is resilience is a learned life-skill or are some people born with the gene. I have learned that consciously taking care of yourself emotionally is critical: setting emotional boundaries and finding strategies for replenishing emotional strength. A focus on enhancing your emotional intelligence helps to build resilience and maintain happiness. Then there’s ‘optimism’. That’s another chapter in the story of happiness!
I think that sometimes people misunderstand what happiness is. You can be happy, and still have things going wrong in life. Being happy doesn’t mean constantly being elated and walking around with a crazy smile on your face. It means know that no matter what, in the end you’re going to be fine, and having faith in a higher power, AND appreciating what is going right. Death, tragedy, extreme loss…millions of people experience this daily.
Optimism and resilience definitely play a role, but in the end it’s a choice: You can lay down and give up or keep going. You usually have to keep going anyway, so why not do what you can to enjoy it? So guess, like you touched on in your comment, Patricia…is it a personality trait or learned or ingrained in our genes?
The great thing is that research is demonstrating that you can change all of those, if you choose. I believe it was Bruce Lipton who demonstrated that DNA is not static, and Marci Shimoff in her book Happy For No Reason talks about how happiness is genetic to a certain point, and that you can do something about it. She also points out (among many other researchers, including Sonja Lyubomirsky “The HOW of Happiness”) that you are as happy as the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
So when it comes down to it, you can question resilience or optimism and say that some people just have it and others don’t, but I believe that you always have the choice. It’s those who are willing to make the choice that find happiness, in every (and any) circumstance.